Maha's Comm 303 Blog

1.) I have noticed a lot of my work has been too “wordy” and could be more concise.

2.) Compared with and compared to confuse me.

3.) Although I’m getting better at it, I need to steer away from writing in passive voice!!!

http://robaquatics.com/

This man is a swimmer who documents his races and records. He could be interested in YMCA swim lessons for his children or if he would be interested in maybe coaching swimming lessons

http://www.swimblogs.com/

This blog could be useful for YMCA because it could promote their lessons and services. People who practice and train for swimming post blogs on this site and if YMCA lessons are efficient enough, swimmers from the club could post how useful and helpful they were

http://www.badudets.com/swimming-lessons-around-metro-manila/

This blog could be of interest to YMCA swimming lessons because they could be mentioned on a post like this and gain publicity/recognition.

http://stillwaterymca.wordpress.com/

This blog is written by a YMCA intern so it is only appropriate that the YMCA swim lessons are recognized on these posts. The post suggests signing kids up for summer activities, so they could be more specific and disclose all the necessary information about swim lessons.

http://www.bedstuyblog.com/2010/04/ymca-class-registration-is-open/

Although this blog only discusses kids activies from May to June, it would be very beneficial for YMCA to have their swim lessons on this site. The end of the page could read, “save the days! August 22^nd-November 30^th the YMCA will be holding swim lessons for swimmers of all ages!”

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125654641

This news radio story was a package story. The anchor introduces a reporter who also introduces various sources who explain the mine blast situation in West Virginia. This story can also be considered an actuality story because it also includes “the voice of a participant in the news story,” (Stovall 216).

This story was told differently than a print journalist because not only are their sentences much shorter and simpler than a print journalist, but also the most evident reason being the voices of people involved with the mine blast show the effect and emotion involved in such a disaster. This news story includes quotes from different sources, and the reporter elaborates shortly after. Print journalists often analyze before and after a quote. This is different from broadcast journalists who focus primarily on explaining after a quote to explain the value.

This web package was found in the Washington Post about an American Muslim who is trying to pursue a career as an “imam,” or one who leads the Islamic prayers. His communications skills and fluency in English can help Adeel  Zeb be a stronger community leader than many of the spiritual leaders now. This web package includes a photo gallery to emphasize Zeb’s role in the community and his capability of being an efficient imam. The photos allow readers to see how active Zeb is in the community. Throughout the three-page story, author Michelle Boorstein has embedded links that may be of interest to readers. The first link was a piece written by Zeb in the On Faith section of the Post regarding the movie “My Name is Khan.” The following link leads to the Islamic Society of North America web site because Boorstein included a quote from the ISNA president  regarding the development of imams. Even as a Muslim student, I probably would have never click the linked to follow this web page. Because religion is such a sensitive subject as is, leading your readers to a website solely about the Islamic religion may turn readers off, and even offend certain readers. While this article is heavily religion based, I believe staying as neutral as possible is the most efficient way to address religious issues. The only positive to keeping the ISNA link embedded in this article is the curiosity that may stem from readers asking exactly what ISNA is and what they do to benefit society, more specifically the Muslim society. Workhalal.com was a link included in this web package to show readers the steps Zeb has taken to move to a profession as an imam. I have never heard about this site nor has it ever been referenced to me so it was interesting to look around the site. This link however, was not necessary for the web package. The workhalal.com reference was very minor and not important to readers. Workhalal.com is not a prominent site that you hear about in the news everyday, and I definitely would not have checked it out if it weren’t for this assignment. Zeb references a personal story about his journey to mecca, the holy meeting site in Islam. This anecdote should have been laterally reported, either with footage from mecca or a map to show readers where mecca is or a video to display how Muslims pay their pilgrimage there and the traditions of mecca. This web package focused primarily on embedded links. While most of the links were educating and interesting, there were a few that could have been eliminated and Boorstein could have been a little more creative with her package (i.e include a video of an imam at work, a map displaying mecca or a map showing the highest Muslim occupancy, etc.) Though this web package was not the most interesting, it followed the criteria and laterally reported the issue Zeb was addressing about imams in the United States.

This past weekend, three students from the Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to the local hospital with an alcohol poisoning diagnosis.

The hospitalized students included junior Press Martin, sophomore Rob Smith and freshman Al Amalek. The concern with drinking at fraternity parties has been recently amplified, especially after an LSU and MIT student died from alcohol poisoning.

Two weeks ago, the University’s president Harvey Smithville reiterated the banning of alcohol from fraternity houses on or near campus property, “Any fraternity in which the members have alcohol will be immediately suspended. A second offense within a year will result in the banning of that fraternity for five years.”

The University responded to the ABZ incident by saying, “A number of witnesses say alcohol was being consumed by them. Based on that we are suspending the fraternity and all its activities on campus.” The fraternity’s suspension is indefinite, however Jan Mize from the university’s public relations department said that suspensions like this usually last about a year.

Interfraternity Council president Bart Addison was shocked to hear about this incident but believes that the entire fraternity should not be penalized for a few men’s actions.

Martin and Smith were released from the hospital on Monday morning, but Amalek remained behind. As a result of this incident, the University may potentially increase the police controls of fraternity houses on the weekends.

It’s definitely not just us that are ready for these winter storms to come to an end. In Europe, roughly 50 people died in at least 4 countries and 45 of them were in France. Most of these victims died while drowning, or getting hit by fallen trees or branches. A shocking 900,000 people were without power in France. This catastrophic storm has led the France finance minister to lower taxes to those affected for 2010.

I like this story because it sheds light on an issue that I don’t believe is getting enough attention. The picture included in the short article literally shows readers the struggle that these unfortunate people are facing. Although I’d appreciate if the author had included more factual information, I think he dispensed a good amount of information in this short article. However, I believe that this story is a great one to include quotes of victims to attribute to the hardships they are facing during this time. The story he includes about the woman swimming out of her bathroom could definitely be elaborated on with quotes and more description so readers can capture the severity of this storm and its impact on the countries.

The concern with drinking at fraternity parties was amplified recently when an LSU student and an MIT student died from alcohol poisoning. Two weeks ago, the University’s president Harvey Smithville reiterated the banning of alcohol from fraternity houses on or near campus property, “Any fraternity in which the members have alcohol will be immediately suspended. A second offense within a year will result in the banning of that fraternity for five years.”

This past weekend, three students, Press Martin, Al Amalek and Rob Smith, from the Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to the local hospital with an alcohol poisoning diagnosis. The University responded to the incident by saying, “Our initial investigation indicates that these young men were at a party in the ABZ house. A number of witnesses say alcohol was being consumed by them. Based on that we are suspending the fraternity and all its activities on campus. We have not decided how long the suspension will last.” Jan Mize from the public relations department said that suspensions like this usually last about a year. Martin and Smith were released from the hospital on Monday morning, but Amalek remained behind. Interfraternity Council president Bart Addison was shocked to hear about this incident but believes that the entire fraternity should not be penalized for a few men’s actions. The University may potentially increase the police controls of fraternity houses on the weekends.

a.)          Straight news lead- President Obama made it clear Monday morning that he intends to make a final push for a comprehensive overhaul of the nation’s health-care and insurance system, offering a new health-care plan that largely embraces the approach already taken by the U.S. Senate.

1. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/22/AR2010022201731.html?hpid=topnews

b.)         Anecdotal lead- When Bode Miller and Andrew Weibrecht climbed onto a podium at the base of the racecourse here, each raised his arms — Miller a gentle wave, Weibrecht a double-armed pump — to celebrate.

1. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/story/2010/02/19/ST2010021905719.html?sid=ST2010021905719

c.)         Summary- A federal judge on Monday morning approved a $150 million settlement between the Securities and Exchange Commission and Bank of America on narrow legal grounds, but derided the regulator’s decision to settle with the bank over allegations it lied to investors as “half-baked justice.”

1. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/22/AR2010022202062.html?hpid=topnews

d.)         A lead I don’t like- The company at the heart of a nationwide outbreak of salmonella illness linked to salami says it has detected the bacterium in sealed containers of red pepper from two suppliers, raising concerns that other foodmakers may have used tainted spices in a variety of foods.

1. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/18/AR2010021804659.html
2. I don’t exactly like this lead because I think a very important piece of the story is WHICH two suppliers have tainted their spices. I think it’s important that readers grasp the main gist of a story from the lead, and this lead is not as clear and informative as I’d like it to be.

After slipping on green beans left on the floor, Ellie Maston sued Amburn’s Produce Market with negligence for $100,000 today.

On April 1^st, Maston was shopping around the Market but left with a broken hip due to green beans on the floor that caused the customer to slip and fall. She has “suffered permanent bodily and mental injuries, incurred medical expenses and lost income,” because of the fall.

This week concluded the three month long silence from Tiger Woods after his one love affair spiraled into many. After crashing his car with a mystery woman, Tiger Woods has been almost shunned from society. The accident only triggered for plenty of other women to come out and confess their love affairs with the golfer. This week, Tiger gave a 14 minute apology speech to his fans and ex-sponsorers. I wanted to highlight how the Tiger Woods apology speech was written, and how one of the reaction articles was written. The apology was written in such a nonchalant way that it did not even seem like Woods was apologizing to the public. Moreover, it seemed as though he was just confessing what the public already knew but giving a few more facts. He blamed his actions on his money and fame, but never came out and apologized saying that he loved his wife and children. This reaction article dissected Tiger’s speech and highlighted to validity, along with irrational points that Tiger rose. This author emphasizes how Tiger managed to make his speech all about him to make himself the victim, which I didn’t really notice when I watched the apology.